Every Life Matters Wellbeing & Mental Health during Covid-19

Every Life Matters to promote wellbeing and mental health during Covid-19. For more info www.every-life-matters.org.uk

Wellbeing & Mental Health during Covid-19

Covid-19 has now had a far reaching impact on people right across the world and it’s important during this time to take care of your mind as well as your body.

Everyone will be reacting in their own way. You might be feeling frustrated or lonely. Concerned about your finances, your health or relatives. And you might be feeling down, worried or anxious. It is OK to feel like this.

These are normal reactions to uncertainty and to challenging events.

Covid-19 has also impacted on many of the normal coping strategies we use to deal with stress, and on the everyday activity that underpins our emotional wellbeing. During this time, we may need to be more creative and thoughtful about how we look after ourselves.

Our Guide to looking after yourself and others contains practical information about things you can do now to look after your mental health and wellbeing, and how you can support others.

Check out the Covid-19 Pages on our website for more information.

Getting Help

If you are really struggling to cope, or feel overwhelmed by difficult feelings during Covid-19, then reach out for professional help. It’s still available and it’s OK to ask for more support to see you through this difficult time.

Find out more about Getting Help to support your mental health and wellbeing.

Safety Planning

Many people will have thoughts of suicide – but thinking about suicide does not make it inevitable that you are going to take your own life. A safety plan helps prevent us turning these thoughts into actions.

A Safety Plan includes what you would do, and who might support you, in a crisis.

They might include distraction techniques to help you get through the next seconds or minutes as thoughts of suicide becoming overwhelming, how you can make your immediate environment or situation safer, who you can contact when things get really tough, and what you can do in an emergency.

Safety Plans take a stepped approach. They can help us manage those fleeting thoughts of suicide that emerge at the edge of your mind – through to situations where the desire to die becomes so overwhelming we no longer think we can keep yourself safe.

Find out how to create a Safety Plan or download our simple template here.

Make your Safety Plan before you reach crisis point. Being prepared is key. Start writing it now. Its also OK if you feel you can’t complete all of it right now, fill in what you can and come back to the other sections later.

Ask someone to help you write your plan. Find someone else who can support you through it, and bounce ideas off – like a family member, friend or mental health worker. If you name someone in your plan, tell them, and if you can share your safety plan with them.

A safety plan needs to belong to you. It is a very individual plan. Someone can help you develop it but ultimately you need to decide what goes into it, and what works for you.

A safety plan is a practical tool to help you keep safe. It focuses on managing thoughts of suicide and it is not a wellbeing plan or a long term plan to deal with low mood. But do think about what support you might need to make changes in the long run to protect you from thoughts of suicide.

It needs to be a plan that is going to work for you. Make sure you have access to your plan when you need. Have a copy on your phone and if you can, share it with relevant family, friends and professionals such as your GP or mental health worker. Review your plan every so often to check its still relevant.

Suicide Safer Communities

Supporting communities to recognise and offer help to people at risk of suicide.READ MORE

Training

Suicide prevention, mental health, young people and employer training across Cumbria.READ MORE

Find Support

Are you thinking about suicide? Worried about someone? Or affected by suicide?READ MORE

Find Support

Thinking about suicide?

Having thoughts of suicide? Worried about keeping yourself safe? Take action now.READ MORE

Worried about someone?

Supporting someone at risk of suicide? Concerned about someones wellbeing?READ MORE

Many, many people think about suicide at some point in their lifetime – around one in five of us – but the overwhelming majority do not go on to take their own lives.

Worried about someone?

If you’re worried that someone who may be feeling suicidal it can be really hard to know what to say to them, and how to help.

Thoughts of suicide can happen for many reasons. Someone may feel so low that life seems unbearable. Or they may have suffered a loss or life changing circumstances such as a relationship breakdown, loss of a job or money problems that makes them feel like death is the best solution. The stigma associated with suicide can also mean the person may feel very alone and isolated, and unable to reach out for help.

There is hope and people do recover.

Suicidal feelings can vary from person to person. The intensity of the thoughts may build up slowly, or be more overwhelming from the start. For some people thoughts of suicide may be fleeting and occur only once, but for others these thoughts might be long term, or come and go in response to changing moods or life events.

What are suicidal feelings?

Suicide means to end your life intentionally, and experiencing thoughts of suicide can be distressing and frightening.

Anyone can experience thoughts of suicide and everyone is different; what makes suicide feel like an option to one person might be experienced very differently by someone else. And that’s okay.

Suicidal feelings can vary from person to person. The intensity of the thoughts may build up slowly, or be more overwhelming from the start. For some people thoughts of suicide may be fleeting and occur only once, but for others these thoughts might be long term, or come and go in response to changing moods or life events.

They may begin as fleeting thoughts of wanting to disappear or escape and can develop into being preoccupied by thoughts about ending your life and thinking about methods of suicide, or making clear plans to take your own life.

Thoughts and feelings might include:

hopelessness, like there is no point in living
that people would be better off without you
tearful and overwhelmed by negative thoughts
unbearable pain that you can’t imagine ending
useless, unwanted or unneeded by others
desperate, as if you have no other choice
methods of suicide and plans of how and when you will end your life

Thinking about suicide does not mean that someone will act on these thoughts though.

And it’s important to remember though that these intense thoughts and feelings will pass.

Some people can say why they feel suicidal, but others may not have a clear reason, or they may struggle to talk about what they are feeling or experiencing.

Why does someone feel suicidal?

We all go through tough times. People may feel suicidal because something has happened which feels too overwhelming for them to cope with, they may feel trapped and unable to escape from the situation. It may have been a situation that has been building up over time or be a recent event. Whatever it is it may leave the person feeling isolated and alone and believing that people would be better off without them.

When we feel like this, or when things happen we feel unable to cope with, or overwhelmed by, suicide can start to feel like the only option to escape.

Struggling to cope and having thoughts of suicide can stem from many different situations, such as:

• job loss, redundancy or failure of a business
• money or housing problems
• bullying and discrimination
• sexual, domestic or physical abuse
• bereavement or losing a loved one to suicide
• relationship breakdowns or losing access to children
• long-term physical pain, illnesses or mental health problems
• adjusting to a big change, such as retirement, pregnancy or parenthood
• isolation or loneliness
• being in prison
• feeling inadequate or a failure, or that good things happening to others around you
• addictions such as gambling, alcohol or drugs
• cultural pressure, such as forced marriage, or doubts about your sexual or gender identity

Thoughts of suicide may become more intense if a person drinks alcohol, uses recreational drugs or has sleep problems.

What’s important to know is that whatever the reasons someone feels suicidal, these reasons are significant and valid.

Around 75% of all suicides are men, and suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50

Who is at risk of suicide?

Just as there may be a very wide variety of causes, anyone can have suicidal feelings, whatever their background or life situation. There is no such thing as ‘the suicidal type’. But we know that some groups of people are more vulnerable to suicide;

around 75% of all suicides are men, and suicide is the biggest killer of men under 50
suicide is the biggest killer of young people under 25
people bereaved by suicide are themselves more likely to take their own lives
people who have previously attempted suicide, or who have self-harmed
armed forces veterans, substance misuse, LGBTQ and other challenged communities

It’s important to trust your gut instincts. If you are at all concerned someone may be having thoughts of suicide, say something. Saying something is safer than saying nothing.

How can I tell if someone is feeling suicidal?

Not everyone who is contemplating suicide lets their friends or family know directly how they are feeling. Many people find it very hard to talk about suicidal feelings – this can be because they are worried about how others will react or because they cannot find the words.

Correctly interpreting how someone else is feeling can be difficult. There may not be any obvious warning signs and sometimes people who have reached rock bottom can be very skilled at hiding their thoughts and feelings. So it’s very important not to blame yourself if you aren’t able to spot the signs that someone is feeling suicidal.

Usually though, there are warning signs that someone is feeling suicidal. Some are obvious but others can be quite subtle, and we may need to pay attention to see them.

It’s important to trust your gut instincts. If you are at all concerned someone may be having thoughts of suicide, or something about the person doesn’t look or feel right, say something. Saying something is safer than saying nothing.

We believe people thinking about suicide give us ‘invitations’ through their language, behaviour and feelings to ask directly if suicide has become an option for them. And like any other invitation we need to respond.

There is no exhaustive list of warning signs or ‘invitations’ but being alert to what people are saying, changes in their behaviour, what they are thinking and feeling and what’s happening in their lives could all be indicators that someone is experiencing thoughts of suicide.

What they might say

Talking about wanting to die or to kill themselves, even if these statements are veiled, vague or even jokey. “I just can’t take it anymore,” or “What’s the use?” or “I’ve had enough, I can’t go on”.
Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live
Talking about feeling trapped or not being able to see a way out of their situation
Talking about being a burden to others, or that everyone would be better off without them
Talking about seeking revenge or expressing deep rage at others
Saying goodbye to friends and family as if they won’t be seeing them again
Talking about what the world might be like without them
Social media posts reflecting the above, or that seem concerning and/or cryptic eg “goodbye cruel world”, “The hardest thing is not saying goodbye”, “How many of you would miss me if I wasn’t here?”

How they might behave

Risky behaviour with little concern about the consequences
Unexpected mood changes such as suddenly being calm and happy after being very depressed
Giving away, or clearing out their possessions or making a will
Researching ways to kill oneself online or other suicide related searches
Increased use of alcohol or drugs
Withdrawing from friends and family
Caring less about their work, lateness and carelessness on the job
Starting or increasing Self-harming behaviour
Changes in appetite
Losing interest in most things, including own appearance
Trouble sleeping, or sleeping too much
Increasingly distracted by their own thoughts and feelings

How they may be thinking or feeling

Out of control or feeling very helpless or that no other options are left
Feeling guilty, that they are a burden or that others would be better off without them.
Extreme mood swings or sudden rage
Feeling hopeless and trapped by their situation
Anxious, agitated or scared

What might be happening in their lives

A major loss or change such as a bereavement, retirement, relationship breakdown or redundancy
Losing control of their lives through homelessness, money or housing problems
Long term problems such as addiction, substance misuse, illness, chronic pain or mental health issues
Abusive relationships, bullying, coercion or discrimination

If you are in any way worried the person may be thinking about suicide, ask directly

Talking to someone about suicide

So how will you know for sure if someone is thinking about suicide?

You ask. And ask directly.

Talking about suicide with someone you are worried about can feel like a nerve-wracking thing to do. You may find yourself tiptoeing around the subject because you’re scared of saying the wrong thing, or worried you may offend the person, or just wanting to make everything better.

If someone is having thoughts of suicide; they are likely to be feeling:

cut off from people around them
frightened and ashamed about wanting to die
desperate for help but afraid to ask.

They may need someone to start the conversation for them – and to show them that they have permission to talk about it – and that they don’t have to struggle with their dark and overwhelming thoughts alone.

If you are in any way worried the person may be thing of suicide, ask directly

“Are you thinking about killing yourself?”

“Are you thinking about taking your own life?”

“Are you thinking about hurting yourself?”

“Are you thinking about suicide?”

Ask a direct question that requires a yes or no answer – this will ensure that there is no confusion and that the person is clear you are asking them about suicide and nothing else.

Don’t tiptoe around the subject, use euphemisms or make light of the subject, and don’t be too quick to accept denials or jokes as responses.

Some common fears:

“Won’t talking about suicide put the idea in her head?”

This is a myth. If a person is suicidal, the idea is already there. If they aren’t suicidal, it won’t do any harm and it will not put ideas in their head.
Asking someone if they feel suicidal or are planning to end their life may not feel like the right thing to do but in fact professionals do recommend asking direct questions about suicide.
Research has shown that speaking openly about suicide decreases the likelihood of the person acting on their feelings.

“What if they are offended or feel judged? It could damage our relationship.”

Showing someone you care about them won’t damage your relationship. Saying nothing could result in losing them forever.

“What if I say the wrong thing? Only experts can help someone who is suicidal?”

Saying something is safer than saying nothing. We can all give time and offer a listening ear, and it might come as a great relief to actually acknowledge that they’re feeling like this.
The smallest displays of kindness, like the offer of a brew, and the conversation that follows, could be the first step to helping someone… ultimately even saving a life.

The smallest displays of kindness – like the offer of a brew and the conversation that follows – could be the first step to helping someone, and could even save a life.

How to listen and offer emotional support

Don’t ever be put off approaching someone who you think may be at risk of suicide because you don’t know what to say. One of the best things you can do for a person who may be feeling suicidal is to simply encourage them to talk about their feelings. And to make sure you really listen to what they’re saying.

Talking about our fears and feelings is difficult – even to those closest to us. Words are sometimes wholly inadequate to convey the amount of pain and distress a person may be going through. It is easy to understand that someone is hurting if they have been badly injured or are physically ill. Emotional pain cannot be seen, but it can be just as unbearable.

Listening Tips

Ask open questions – These are questions that invite someone to say more than ‘yes’ or ‘no’, such as ‘How have you been feeling?’ or ‘What happened next?’

Offer prompts – We can encourage people to talk more through phrases such as ‘Tell me more’ or ‘Can you say more about that?’ or even simply reflecting back an important word or phrase the person has used such as ‘Overwhelmed?’ or ‘No point?’

Avoid offering solutions – Talking about someone’s problems is not always easy and its often tempting to try to offer solutions to their problems such as ‘Have you thought of doing this?’ or ‘You should try that’.

Give them time – It helps if you let them take the time they need to describe where they are at. Make sure you have time to listen. If they feel unable to speak fully at that time, acknowledge the importance of what they’ve said and arrange another time to talk.

Take their thoughts of suicide seriously – People who talk about suicide do sometimes act on their feelings – it’s a common myth that they don’t. It’s best to assume that they are telling the truth about feeling suicidal.

Take their feelings seriously – Take whatever they say seriously and without judgment, including their reasons for dying. Don’t offer platitudes like ‘things will pick up’, ‘Life’s too short’ etc and don’t minimalize their feelings by saying it’s ‘just a phase’, ‘you’ll grow out of it’ or ‘why is that even bothering you?’

Avoid judgements – You might feel shocked, upset or frightened, but it’s important not to blame the person for how they are feeling. They may have taken a big step by telling you, and comments such as “Don’t you think you might be drinking too much?” can make the situation worse.

Don’t tiptoe around the topic – There is still a taboo around talking about suicide which can make it even harder for people experiencing these feelings to open up and feel understood. If you are worried about them ask directly – ‘Are you having suicidal thoughts?’ or ‘Are you thinking about suicide?’

You don’t have all the answers – It’s okay to not know what to say! You’re a human being too and what you’re hearing might be frightening and confusing. If you don’t know what to say – be honest and tell that person.

Reassure them that you are glad they told you – this can be far more empowering and genuine than making something up. If you’re honest with them, they’ll be honest with you.

Sometimes we need someone to simply be there. Not to fix anything or do anything in particular, but just to let us know we are cared for and supported.

Getting Help

Suicide is preventable. Thinking about suicide does not make it inevitable that you are going to take your own life. There are ways to live with thoughts of suicide.

You might feel unsure of how the person might get help, but there are lots of sources of support out there.

Friends and Family can offer emotional and practical support and space to talk about their feelings
Encourage them to seek treatment and support from their GP or other professionals
Help them identify any sources of support that might address the routes of their suicidal thoughts
Make sure the person knows about the range of Helplines available
Help them think of ideas to improve their Wellbeing and general mood
Help them to make a Safety Plan.

Friends and Family

Emotional support and understanding offered by family and friends to someone who feels like they can’t go on can have a hugely positive effect. If people have a positive experience of opening up about their suicidal thoughts and asking for help, then many more suicides will be prevented.

If it’s OK, try to get a support circle of family and friends around the person, and remember that even when the thoughts of suicide have passed keep checking in with the person.

Sometimes talking with friends and family about their feelings can be invaluable in helping someone feel safe and secure at the time – but for some these feelings may sometimes not last – and they require long term support to help overcome their suicidal thoughts, and the situation that has led to it, and sometimes this can be easier with professional help.

GP and other Professionals

Your GP can refer you to a range of mental health services including talking treatments and Crisis support. Encourage the person you are worried about to visit their GP, and if possible arrange for you or someone else they trust to accompany them. If they do attend on their own ask them to prepare what they want to say to their GP. It’s very important to be specific about thoughts of suicide.

If thoughts of suicide are becoming more difficult to manage then you can call NHS 111 or the local out of hours GP service CHOC. They will talk to you about your options and get you access to support immediately if required.

Others

There are lots of different places someone can access help for thoughts of suicide – talking therapies, peer support, online forums etc. Have a look at the Getting Help section on our website to see some ideas of the types of services available. Alternatively, you can give one of the helplines a call who can talk to you about your options for support.

Helplines

There are now a variety of telephone and text helplines and for people experiencing thoughts of suicide, some of which are open 24 hours a day, at times when friends and family may not be there to listen. Encourage anyone you are worried about to put the numbers in their phone. Find out about the variety of Helplines available in our Getting Help section.

Sometimes thoughts of suicide may become very intense and overwhelming, and a person may struggle to keep themselves safe. They may have made clear plans – they know where, when and how they will kill themselves.

In an emergency

Sometimes thoughts of suicide may become very intense and overwhelming, and a person may struggle to keep themselves safe. They may have made clear plans – they know where, when and how they will kill themselves.

If someone tells you they’re feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of suicide, make sure they’re not left alone. Just like asking about thoughts of suicide generally, if you are worried about the person’s immediate safety ask directly. “Do you have plans to kill yourself?” “Do you know how and when you will do it?” etc.

If the person feels unable to keep themselves safe and are at risk of attempting suicide stay with them and do one of the following;

Call 999 – The call is free. Explain what is happening. In this situation, calling an ambulance is the right action to take – not a waste of emergency services time as some people fear. If someone is having a heart attack the outcome could be death – just the same as if someone has tried, or is about to try, to take their own life.
Take them to a Hospital A&E– Find your nearest here.

If the person doesn’t want to call 999 or go to A&E

Call NHS Direct on 111, they can direct you on how best to get help or how to access out of hours’ doctors.
Contact their GP for an emergency appointment or CHOC, Cumbria’s out of hours GP service. Add links.
If the person is already being supported by the Crisis Team/Mental Health Team call the SPA Line on?
It may also be helpful to remove things that someone could use to harm themselves, particularly if they have mentioned specific things they might use. It’s also important to help the person avoid alcohol and drugs when they are at risk.

If the person has already attempted suicide, taken an overdose or seriously harmed themselves seek immediate help Call 999 now. The call is free. Explain what is happening. Stay with the person while you wait for help to arrive.

If someone you are worried about cannot stay safe, or has taken steps to end their life, and they do not want to get help or have gone missing – call the police on 999.

While this may feel like a drastic step to take it is a justifiable response to someone’s life being at risk. The police have the resources to find those who are vulnerable to suicide and get help to them quickly, including other emergency services if needed.

A Safety Plan is a way of working out what might be helpful in keeping someone safe when they are having thoughts of suicide.

Making a Safety Plan

A Safety Plan sets out what someone can do to help themselves and what they would do, and who might support them in a crisis. It’s also a useful way of keeping important information and contacts together in one place.

Thoughts of suicide do pass and a Safety Plan is a way of managing these thoughts and feelings as they come and go. Overwhelming thoughts of wishing you were dead, or thinking the world would be better off without you, will pass, but being prepared to manage them can make all the difference – holding off making the decision to die just for a minute

Supporting someone to create a Safety Plan is a practical step you can take to help. It’s an opportunity to talk together about what to include, what has or hasn’t helped before, how the plan will be stored and who it is shared with. You can also encourage the person to take practical steps like storing crucial numbers in their phone, or looking at what other support is out there.

It’s an opportunity also to think about what help you feel able to give. But if someone wants help you don’t feel you cable to offer, it’s okay not to agree and to find other options.

Supporting someone who feels suicidal can be emotionally draining and really tough and it’s important to look after yourself too.

Looking after yourself

It can be hard to understand or accept that someone close to you feels suicidal. You may feel helpless, powerless, angry, sad, shocked, frightened or a whole range of other emotions unique to your own experience. There’s no right or wrong way to feel. Some people feel they are to blame if someone they care for feels suicidal, or doesn’t feel any better, but it’s important not to blame yourself for what is happening.

If you have these sorts of worries, it could help to talk to someone about how you are feeling. That could be a;

Friend or family member.
Helpline or Online community
Talking therapy
Peer support group for Carers

There’s no right or wrong way to look after yourself. After all – we’re all different. However, when supporting someone else it can be really important to take some time for yourself and ensure that at least some time during your day focuses on yourself rather than who you’re worried about – particularly if the person you are supporting lives with you.

It can help your own wellbeing to:

Make time for yourself – Find time to relax or do something you enjoy each day. It is not selfish to take time to look after yourself – it is essential.

Look after yourself physically – Eat well and get some exercise where you can. Where possible stick to existing exercise routines or classes.

Sleep well – If sleeping has become a problem you can try a variety of Apps to help or speak to your GP for help. The quality of our sleep has a significant impact on how we feel and cope with life’s challenges.

Stay organised – Supporting someone who is suicidal can be like a rollercoaster and other parts of your life can sometimes become neglected. Stick to any helpful social and physical routines where you can, and try writing down jobs you need to do, or things you don’t want to forget, to keep on top of your life.

Get help – It can be very isolating supporting someone with thoughts of suicide, and sometimes, due to the stigma or shame attached to the issue, people might find it hard to share with others what they’re going through. But there is support out there through Friends or family members, Helpline or Online communities, Talking therapies or Peer support group for Carers. See our resource section for more details www.every-life-matters.org.uk

Be realistic – You cannot fix people’s problems and there are limits to what you can do to help. Give what you can of your time, your attention and your practical support alongside empowering the person you care for to seek out and engage in other available support.

Keep perspective – Keep sight of the whole person you are supporting, not just there suicidal thoughts, and try to keep doing the things together that you enjoy.

Safety Plan – Support the person you care for to develop a Safety Plan so they can begin to take control of their own situation and identify a range of tools and support, and things they can do to help themselves, around them to help manage the thoughts of suicide.

Bereaved by suicide?

Information and guidance for people bereaved by suicide and those supporting them.READ MORE

Bereaved by Suicide?

Suicide is a unique loss. It has been decsribed as the most difficult and lonely experiences a person can have, being left with an overwhelming jumble of feelings and thoughts.

People may make assumptions that only close family grieve – however many people can be affected. You may be the close friend of the person, a work colleague, or maybe you have been professionally involved in helping before or after the person died.

Grief is as unique as you are, and as individual as a fingerprint. Each person will be affected in his or her own way because everyone is different – even in the same family.

Each had their own relationship with the person who has died, their own experience of other losses and differing levels of support available.

Bereaved by Suicide?

Suicide is a unique loss. It has been decsribed as the most difficult and lonely experiences a person can have, being left with an overwhelming jumble of feelings and thoughts.

Grief is as unique as you are, and as individual as a fingerprint. Each person will be affected in his or her own way because everyone is different – even in the same family.

Each had their own relationship with the person who has died, their own experience of other losses and differing levels of support available.

Read on to find out what support is out there.

Helpline Support

Samaritans – Call 116 123 – There round the clock, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

PAPYRUS – Call 0800 068 41 41 – Support line for young people at risk of suicide. Various opening hours.

CALM – Call 0800 58 58 58. Men’s Helpline open 5pm – Midnight

Shout Crisis Text Service – Text Shout to 85258 to get text support

MindLine Cumbria – Mental health information, guidance and emotional support. Various opening hours.

Young Minds Crisis Text Service – Text YM to 85258 to get instant support

Useful guides

How to cope with suicidal feelings – This booklet is for anyone experiencing suicidal feelings. It explains what suicidal feelings are, why you might feel that way, how you can help yourself cope right now, and in the long-term.